Quick and Easy, ESL Cup 3 Europe

The jeep was not made for this sort of weather. Welcome to Semoskiy Winter, folks! A replica town of a place in France, or rather, a Soviet slum copy. It is here that the Finals of the GO4COH Cup 3 will take place. I wonder who will make love to the church's interior first.

It is Luvnest versus Jesulin. And God, it is cold out here! What the... Oh, of course. This jeep lacks a heater. Be right back, folks!



Nein, nein, nein! Smock! Tie. Thank the Heavens for duct tape. Throw. Back, folks. Things... got complicated. Feel free to beat Adolf senseless back there. Anyway!

Jesulin, Oberkommando West, goes for a fast Kubel. Probably followed up by three Volksgrenadiers squads. For Luvnest's Soviets it will be Maxim spam with one squad of Conscripts. Early capture order is a bit strategic. The Germans strikes at both Fuel Points, while the Soviets has doubts.

Like the Combat Engineers who found the Sturmpioneers at the South Fuel Point. For some reason, the Engineers make a stand behind a pair of sewer pipes and a stone fence. Waiting for the enemy to walk over them. Just brilliant! They retreat with bullets kissing their butts. The first Maxim is still far away.

Suspecting nothing, Jesulin leaves the house near the Fuel Point open. A perfect spot for the incoming Maxim, which just entered. Meanwhile, the Kubel captures the other Fuel Point, until the Conscripts come along. Unaware to them though, there is a Volks squad nearby. The point remains in German control, so does the South Fuel Point. Luvnest is making love inside that house. To a broom.


He waits for his Combat Engineers, who then capture the Point instead of the Maxim. This lack of Fuel income may cost him dearly. Although, he has selected the Armored Assault Tactics, so perhaps he will go for an IS-2? Madness. Luckily, for Jesulin, his Sturmpineers got away and are on their way down to the cutoff. His opponent will have no use of that newly captured Fuel Point.

A second Maxim is on the field. It is near the road out from the Soviet's base, near their cutoff. Window shatters. A Volksgrenadiers squad has taken the house looking out over the area. The Maxim is surprised. And very dead. The weapon falls to enemy hands.

The house Maxim figured it was time to move. A big mistake. Heading straight for the enemy's cutoff above the Fuel, they run into some polite Volksgrenadiers. Who ask for a dance. But the Maxim wants none of it, and gets into a house. Luvnest, you rude bastard! He forces the Volks away, but has only two men left in the squad. Time for home, comrades!

And the first one into the church is Jesulin! Congratulations, lad, but where is the bride? What?! You do not have one? Get out!

With the Maxim away, the Sturms go in for a capture of the South Fuel. At the same time, the Conscripts retake their cutoff. Still no Fuel for Luvnest. But his Conscripts walk up, find the Sturms all huddled down and kill one of the scums. They pull back. Hah!

A flamethrower is just in for the Engineers, and a second squad of Conscripts is afield. The North Fuel Point is contested by a Maxim, but gets butt rushed by three Volksgrenadiers. Safe to say, the Soviets did not like their experience and ran home.

Boom! Remember those huddled down Sturmpioneers from earlier? Apparently, they had the time to lay a few mines down in the area. Something a Maxim found out. The hard way. Three men are down.


Humpf! Hmmhmhmhm! Hitler. If you will not be quiet, I will bomb the river ice. Put a few stones around your feet, flip you into the hole, and toss a grenade in after you. Are we clear? Silence. Good.

It is now the Combat Engineers turn to huddle down. In front of the entrance to the house outside the South Fuel.

Earlier, Jesulin built his Mechanized Regiment Headquarters. Now, a Luchs arrives. It drives to the center and reveals itself to the Engineers, who flee. Luvnest anticipated the light tank, though, and his ZiS-3 Anti-tank Gun is being dragged in.

The Luchs does a marvelous job. It forces Luvnest off the field, leaving not a man behind. Even killing the crew of a Maxim, before pulling back as shells land about it. The ZiS-3 is near. But the map belongs to Jesulin.

Puth! Huh, sounded like an explosion in the distance. Ah. The entrance mine to that house claimed three lives. From a squad of Volksgrenadiers. This Maxim must have forced them into the house, and thus set off the mines. But it did not kill them all, judging by the tracks from the back, a man got away.

With the ZiS-3 to fend off the Luchs, Luvnest works on his map control. He secures the North, leaving a garrison of a Maxim behind. A third Conscript is afield, with the help of a Maxim, they push the Sturms off the South Fuel. The center sees fierce fighting. Jesulin's forces manage to take it. But Luvnest has the force advantage elsewhere.

In a balls to balls fight, Jesulin would lose. He needs more forces. A second Luchs may be a good idea, especially since the newly recruited Raketenwerfer can cover the Luchs from any enemy armoured vehicles. Instead, he builds his Battlegroup Headquarters in a forward position. On his cutoff, near a house, this may prove to be a big mistake. Luvnest now has a target that Jesulin must defend.

The Kubel goes down! It is abandoned with a destroyed engine. Something Luvnest fails to notice when he orders two poor Conscripts to take it and bring it home. Comrade, I no think this vehicle can move. Shut up! Be quiet. Hear engine sound? Indeed, comrade, that is the sound of an engine. The Luchs's engine to be precise. One shot, one smoking Kubel. Two charred Russians.

Jesulin no longer has any Fuel Points. In fear, he gets a Puma, expecting some armour. But Luvnest is at one hundred and eighty-seven Fuel. He is going for the IS-2, no doubt!

And, he is doing a fantastic job with his ZiS-3 gun. Always keeping it on the move, supporting his troops, forcing away the Luchs and Puma. The Soviets slowly strangle Jesulin in, around his Battlegroup, where his retreat point is set and active. It is now hindering him a lot.


To make things worse for the Germans, Luvnest now has enough Fuel for his IS-2. He only needs to wait for the Command Points to catch up, currently at seven.

A Mortar is afield for the Soviets. It could do a lot of harm to the Battlegroup Headquarts if Jesulin does nothing about it. To counter it, he gets the 7.5cm Infantry Support Gun, a small howitzer. But he is still boxed in. And every fight brings his opponent closer to the IS-2.

Out of hiding, a squad of Fallschirmjägers are. Out of the door, trip on a wire, fall forward and a flare projectile spears through their chests. They die. And Jesulin falls closer to the Dark Side. Relic employees, I suggest you lay low for a while, or you may get a flare up your butts.

While we were not looking, Luvnest built the Tankoviy Battalion Command, and got a T-70 onto the field. He no longer has enough Fuel for the IS-2, but he will soon. Both Fuels are under his control. A second Mortar arrives for him as well. It is no longer a contest. Jesulin simply does not have the forces to fight against Luvnest. Every time he pushes out, a counterattack pushes him back in.

Ten Command Points for Lvunest. Three more and the IS-2 will be here to seal the deal. Unless Jesulin can do something about it. Alas, it looks grim, as the two enemy Mortars pummel his Battlegroup and the forces around it.

Worse. Luvnest pushes in, hard and rough. He captures two buildings looking out onto the Battlegroup, a Maxim is in one house, a Conscripts squad in the other. The latter fling themselves out the door, when a Luchs drives too close. One Anti-tank grenade and the Soviet men jump back into the house. The T-70 comes, and takes care of the rest.

Twelve Command Points, enough to call in an 23mm cannon air strike for Luvnest. Right atop the Battlegroup. Its position is overrun by the Soviet's forces. The Battlegroup Headquarters is destroyed. And apparently, the Soviets had a captured Kamikaze pilot with them, who air dove the German Maxim, collapsing a house with a Volks squad in it on the way down. Jesulin must be boiling hot.

Then comes the last nail, the IS-2 is here. Jesulin surrenders.



Time for round two. Faction switch, Jesulin as the Soviets and Luv as the Germans. The commanders of Armored Assault Tactics and Osttruppen Doctrine are selected. A Pioneer first for Luv, then three Osttruppen squads. For Jesulin it looks like four Conscripts squad, of political prisoners. Good ol' Stalin.


Both players rush for the South Fuel Point. Atfer a bit of arguing, it is decided that the Germans may have it for now, but only because they are hiding cowards.

The Osttruppens's job is to take homes, fire up the stove and make themselves a proper dinner. Army rations are not the best, you know? A particularly nasty bunch capture Jesulin's cutoff, outside his base. It will take some doing to force them out, or a fire. Got any Molotovs, comrade? Oh. You drank them all. Great!

Despite the house keeping, Jesulin retakes his cutoff. But is unable to brush the Osttruppen from the building. Perhaps, a larger broom is needed? And a decent housewife?

Again, Jesulin is the first one into the church, and again, he is without a bride. Well. Looks like you will have to marry one of the Conscripts here, Jesulin. Ideally before the priests take the matter into their own hands. Hear old Father Anton is looking for younger meat.

Crates of vodka arrive. Finally, the Soviet troops will have their Molotovs. So far, Jesulin has had to struggle against the lazy Osttruppen, who did nothing but sit in their buildings. Now though, they will have to sprint their feet off. Or turn black.

The first victims are the Osttruppen squad near the Soviet cutoff point. One flame bottle and they are out, surrounded by three squads of Conscripts. Oh dear. They try to run, but the last man crumples down to a volley of bullets. They are replaced immediately. The course is set, the Soviet's goal is Luvnest's cutoff, outside his base and down road. Three squads of Conscripts are on their way.

A squad of Osttruppen stand in their way, together with an MG42 that came earlier. One burst convinces some politicians to try their luck with the commissar back home. Two remain, but one is low on health. Two more bursts and the full health squad caresses the dirt before deciding to run. The last remaining squad legs it as well.

At the same time, a squad of Pioneers are on Jesulin's cutoff, laying some S-Mines. They put down two patches and secure the point. Before walking away. All that while under the fire of the Combat Engineers, who are not pleased. A minesweeper is needed.

The entire map is up for the taking. And Luvnest is on it.


But Jesulin is back for his cutoff, with a minesweeper. There is no resistance. Alas, the center will be most difficult to take. There is the church with the MG42 and a flamethrower equipped Pioneers squad nearby. He avoids it, and attacks the South Fuel, only to be repelled.

Luvnest now controls most of the map and he is hungry for more. But Jesulin is also hungry. Starving in fact.

He attacks the center, pushes through and heads straight for his enemy's throat. Routing their forces. He regains some map control, including the South Fuel Point, but it is only connected through the cutoff outside Luvnest's base, down road. The German kommandant wants it back.

A group of fresh Panzergrenadiers lead the counterattack. They are followed by three squads, including the flamethrower Pioneers. All Jesulin has is two Conscripts squads. Two very terrified squads, who retreat on sight. Luckily, the commissar is nowhere to be seen back home. I wonder why.

Mhmppfu! Oh, shut up back there! I will let you two loose after the fighting stops, so just calm down, Adolf and Vladimir.

Luvnest secures the center. The flanks though is proving to be a problem, as Jesulin uses guerrilla tactics. Taking small bites out of Luvnest, while preparing to strike at the center again. A sparkly new Maxim is on the field, followed by a second one. Meanwhile, Luvnest gets another Panzergrenadier. Have I ever mentioned that they happen to like sparkly things?

Having divided Luvnests forces onto the sides, Jesulin takes his army and marches through the center. Just like last time, the defenders are routed. Next is the flanks. Easy. All is not well though, a group of Pioneers sneaked behind the Soviet forces, planted a Teller Mine on the road leading out of their base, before capturing the cutoff point.

The Germans counterattack. With the Soviet forces spread, the spearhead of the attack has no difficulty in penetrating the center. Jesulin just lost what he gained.

There is a stunning display of either luck or skill going on, near the South Fuel Point. A Vetereancy Two Panzergrenadier squad, limping with a man down, just took on some Combat Engineers in top shape. Wrecking them, and forcing them away before moving onto a nearby Maxim. It is not set up properly, and the Germans dodge its arc of fire. They sprint to a stone fence, let loose a hail of bullets, and kill the Maxim crew. Medals, anyone?


Things keep going bad for Jesulin. His men run into an MG42 and have to crawl over to the church, where they 'politely' ask the bride and groom to leave. Straight out a window. Another group of men find themselves in a minefield. Yet another duck into a house, just in time to discover some flamethrower Pioneers on the other side, with Panzergrenadier support. They get out, to let some Combat Engineers try their luck. They barely escape alive.

But those men in the church die. Too afraid for what was outside.

Luvnest is on a roll. He finds his opponents two ZiS-3 guns, and slaughters one of them. But Jesulin has a plan. He is saving for the IS-2, a copy cat move of his opponent from the previous game. But at two hundred and forty-six Victory Points, and with weak grasp of the map, can he pull it off? Especially, since Luvnest just got a Panzer 4.

Its first victim is a Maxim. They try to flee from a house, only to find the treads of the Panzer 4, as well as its machine guns. Bye, bye! To make it even worse, a squad of Conscripts meet their doom at the hands of some Panzergrenadiers. And then another squad falls with a building atop them. At least the Teller Mine in front of Jesulin's base got cleared.

Alas, some Combat Engineers go down. Jesulin is losing forces faster than he can replace them. And he lost all of his map control.

Another squad lost, and Jesulin pauses. Looking at his Victory Points, eighty-two, he realizes that he cannot win. He calls Good Game, then surrenders.



Well. Luvnest dominated Jesulin in these games. Almost sad how easy it were, but lets hope the Spaniard can come back stronger next time.