April Fools Reveal

Ahhh. It was that time of the year. The first of April. A time of joy, a time of pranks, and a time of murder. Wait. I mean: a time of trolling!

On one side, we have the Relicans. Sleepyheads, who can never seem to wake up at the right time for a good prank. Good for nothing doers, according to various… forum warriors. Secretive, their many NDAs snake about, keeping all but the cleverest of tongues in the mouth. At last, they are a bit lazy. As you will soon discover.

On the other side, we have the staff of COH2.ORG. Dedicated men and women who work hard, but only for the first month aboard. As after that time period, they reach their next stage of evolution: The sloth. After that stage comes the Troll Buddha, a time of enlightenment and cleverness. Until they grow old and reach the final stage: The sloth, version two.



Now, little Relicans, whatever do you plan… to do? That? Just that? You went to the company archives and had a search. While complaining to your mate, who follows you around everywhere for some gay reason.

Uh… Let’s see, Kyle. A month back… No, nothing happened. For Christ’s sake, three? Nope. Absolutely nothing of note, just a boring three months as always. Five back? Non. Seven… Ah, this looks good. Here you go, Kyle. Throw it up on our Twitter, will you? Might surprise you later for it. Wink, wink!


That image is from the OCFanart contest. Contestant Ginnungagap’s image to be precise, well done to him, but boo to the Relicans! What a bunch of amateurs.



It was time for the masterful Troll Buddhas, and professionals, of COH2.ORG to take the stage. First up, as our warm up, AmiPolizeiFunk had a little fun with the site’s code. Reusing parts of previous April’s Fools made by Janne252.


Comic Sans as font, and clickbait boxes? Is that not a low blow? No, it was but the beginning of what was to come. By the way, we also had posts randomly tilt back and forth. One guy even said he saw a pink version of our site.

Next, it was up to a certain blue badged person to take it two steps further.

!I received two bans because some moderators did not know what was going on. lolNigo

Oh, yes, you were banned, nigo, as was your accomplice, wouren. Much to the embarrassment of the Moderation team. Who were not in on the joke. You see, we are so good at pranks that we trick ourselves. That is... hopefully good, right? Cricket sounds. *beep*!

It all started with that one post.



Our Lord’s idea was to fabricate a leak. Nobody would believe it on the first of April, right? Oh. How wrong he was to be. But at this stage, he did not know.

New expansion pack spotted in Steam DB

That was step one of his plan. The next step required the help of one admin.



Who, you ask? A certain major, who, presumably, had a good laugh of it all.

?nigo:Moderators, https://www.coh2.org/topic/51245/new-expansion-pack-spotted-in-steam-db pls lock this thread and re-open in 1 hour. I will rage in public about the relic NDA. LOL

!ahahahahMarcus2389

!OK I'll lock now. If you cant unlock in 1 hour, Nigo, please ask a Moderator or Black/Orange Admin, if I am not about.MajorBloodnok

?nigo:Lets RAGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

And thus Reopen My LEAKS thread now!!!! was born.



What a combination. Some of the moderators, quite eager on duty, failed to check the staff forums before picking up their hammers. They banned nigo and wouren, then they saw the staff thread.

?Mortar:YOU BASTARDS! Now I feel stupid as well as duped. HAHAHA!

!ahahahah Mortar why did you open a thread in the moderation? XD THEY WERE JOKING LOL Marcus2389

!This is great hahahaha|GB| The Hooligan486

?WiFiDi:i have been duped oh well

!Replying to WiFiDi: You could "discipline me" in public in the shoutbox and start up a new shitstorm. Mortar

But they were not the only ones to be pranked. Our dear FichtenMoped was among the taken, he was also a bit drunk or so he said. Poor him. The good MajorBloodnok may have given him a spanking afterwards. For what? You will see the shout log soon enough.

?FicthenMoped:Jesus I am way too messed up for this D: I apologize for everything :'(

?FicthenMoped:I fucked up roally I know

Awww, poor guy. The prank got him too good.


And here, is the log of the rage, of the sorrow, and of the hilarious. Many a user found themselves in the prank of our Lord of Leaks in the SHOUT IT OUT box. God. We need to rename that thing.




The Lord was done and it was time for other staffers to have at it. During the early stages of our prank planning, an idea had formed. Of a balance patch. Cyanara wrote the bottom part of it, having suggested the idea. He was then joined by elchino7, who made the top part, thus making it more believable. It was about this time that I came in to edit the lovely prank, trying to imitate Relic's style of patch notes. And as you shall see, it seems that we three were successful. But the art was lacking. Luckily, agent RitaRush speedily delivered, despite her other tasks.

The result was the April 6th Balance Patch. A link to which will follow soon, after some of the comments have been shown. Of the users who ate the bait, unaware of April's Fools. They probably did not read it to the end, look for the hint.

Oh, you will understand what I mean in due time.



Cyanara's comment picks. Enjoy!

?IA3 - HH:finally retreat point upgrade for bunkers i see that a few months ago in mod builder this is a real balance update, thanks

?Smirnoff:Very well written. First i believed that shit and I have been gone crazy after I read that volks should get 2 panzershreks

?Para:'Due to player complaints about poor performance, we discovered that the game was defaulting to safe mode, which wasn't using the player's video card drivers.' RELIC, srsly? I'm fuckin speechless.

?Cabreza:Relic is totally out of touch with the community saying that Soviets are fine! Do they even play their own game or just pull numbers out of their ass? Penals are unstoppable death machines. We thought rifle flamer blobs were bad but now it's like 100x worse with penal flamer blobs burning everything in their path and relic refuses to acknowledge it's even a problem! Penals even counter tanks waaaaaay better than rifles ever could thanks to sachel charge. Cons are way too versatile too. The ability to build green cover AND upgrade molotovs AND merge?! What next? Are they going to give cons an AT nade too?! Oh wait, they already did!1!!! Lets not forget about that insane crushing beast the T34/76. Use gren squads to faust: CRUSH. Counter with panzershrecks: CRUSH. Produce an AT gun for the friggin hard counter: CRUSH! Oh, and it's even cheaper than a P4 and if you ever manage to get it low on health it just RAMS YOUR TANK IN THE ASS LIKE THE HUGE DICK THAT IT IS. How are you even supposed to stop this machine?! And that is only the worst offenders. Don't even get me started about the maxpin, the SU(I'm sniping your snipers)85, siamese twin snipers, the katyusha with like 10x more rockets than the stuka, and infantry erasing shocks in an M3! The only unit soviets have that is even close to balanced is the M42 at gun and it STILL overperforms vs medium tanks. WTF Relic get your act together!!!!!

Finally, the article, and the hint.


We are not done yet, though. Three items remain, all Russian.



You have to pity the Relicans. All they did was to resue a piece of old fanart for April's Fools, and then Rush came along, with the Russian Navy. She tossed each and every Relican into rowboats and bid them row. For their lives. As cannons were aimed, torpedoes armed, and planes launched. But that is the aftermatch. You, are here for the begining.



It began during our planning stage. It began with a surprise. Rita posted an art piece within our plan thread, having told none about her plans until then. Awed we were. But only for a moment. It was time to have another prank in the works.

The idea formed. One undercover operative would post the image to trending, and we had a volunteer, Unknown Legend. He is one of our Media guys. Quickly, he scheduled a twitter post and created another account, Guevara. The setup was ready and the time set. The clock ticked away.

At Eight AM, GMT 1, it was released.


And yet, two more images remained.



Unfortunately, we lost all contact with Unknown Legend. Had he been taken? Was there an American counter-intelligence agent onto us? There was no time. Rita stepped up and went undercover. GardenNDA was born. She unleashed two post onto Trending.






We are at an end. The pranks have been revealed. The Relicans have been slaughtered, and we, the Staff of COH2.ORG, are victorious! But we are not done, we are never done for there is always next year. We hope to outdo ourselves. Or at the very least, to crush Relic with our armoured treads. Hah, judging by ther performce this year: They are doomed!